Some Questions are Worth Asking

I read with great sadness about the passing of the music conductor Adrian Tan in the Straits Times recently. I didn’t know him. But his death reminded me of someone else that I knew. He too was a young man. Adrian passed away at 44, and my friend was in his mid-thirties. They were both described as men who were not only full of life and full of vigour for life. They were passionate about the work they did. And they were caring for the people who were around them. Both were in the peak of physical health; and both died in their sleep. Possible cause of death - cardiac arrest.

”Why?“ is probably a big question within our hearts, even if we don’t verbalize it. This week’s emerging story of the 13-year-old River Valley High student who died might have produced this question as well. Why? Why does it have to be this way? Why do “good and innocent people” have to suffer? Why do people who don’t deserve bad things happening to them, end up facing such tragic ends? Why?

When we encounter stories like that, this is the existential question that emerges. It is not a question that we seek an answer for. We know this because there are no answers that can satisfy the question. ”Oh, life is unfair.” Yes - but why? “Oh, this is the result of karma”. Yes - but why? “Oh, this is because of sin”. Yes - but why?

In the light of the RVHS tragedy, I read a pastor’s response to this very question - why does God allow something like that to happen. I knew the pastor. And I knew his heart. And his response was a good and solid response. He managed the question with great balance - both of empathy and pain for the tragedy; whilst maintaining the doctrines of the Church which helps us accept the mystery of evil in a world marked by the Gospel of Jesus. But even as I read his answers, I could still sense a great dis-satisfaction. He was completely right. But it wasn’t enough to cover the gaping hole in our hearts.

There are just some questions in life that cut to the very edge of reality. There are some questions in life that move us to the Mystery of what it means to be human. Death happens all the time, so how come this death shocks us? Surprises us? Makes us ask “Why?!”? The tragedy of millions suffering in poverty and lack is not unknown to us. But we are stopped in our tracks by this particular tragedy. The answers to these questions are not important. What is important is that there are some things in our world that shock us enough to brings us to the edge of reality - and closer to the Mystery of our existence.

This is why Hans von Balthasar in his classic on Prayer can write -

“Man is the creature with a mystery in his heart that is bigger than himself.”

Or in his discussion about our life discovering the meaning of our existence before God, he says -

”The creature is a perpetual question addressed to God.”

Questions are the means by which we begin to discover the edge of our reality. Questions like “Why do things like that happen in our world”, “Why do I feel the way I feel”, “What kind of life is this”, help us contemplate the mystery of ourselves and our life in this world. They help us truly see - what is worth crying about. What is truly worth feeling angry about. What is truly worth living and dying for.

When Questions like that arise within our hearts. Let’s not be too quick to find Answers. But let’s allow the Questions we ask in this moments, to Question us - our life and our way of life in this world.